'Tis the Season (to wish you weren't home)

Terry Pratchett, an extremely wise man, wrote a book called Hogfather. Not only is it a brilliant book in many, many ways, it is absolutely true. For instance: It takes place during the holidays, and in one scene there is a discussion among wizards concerning the holidays of their past.
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"Just shut up, will you?" [Ridcully] said. "It's Hogswatch! That's not the time for silly arguments, all right?"
"Oh, yes it is," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. "It's exactly the time for silly arguments. In our family we were lucky to get through dinner without a reprise of What A Shame Henry Didn't Go Into Business With Our Ron. Or Why Hasn't Anyone Taught Those Kids To Use A Knife? That was another favorite."
"And the sulks," said Ponder Stibbons.
"Oh, the sulks," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. "Not a proper Hogswatch without everyone sitting staring at different walls."
"The games were worse," said Ponder.
"Worse than the kids hitting one another with their toys, d'you think? Not a proper Hogswatch afternoon without wheels and bits of broken dolly everywhere and everyone whining. Assault and battery included."
"We had a game called Hunt the Slipper," said Ponder. "Someone hid a slipper. And then we had to find it. And then we had a row."
"It's not really bad," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, "I mean, not proper Hogswatch bad, unless everyone's wearing a paper hat. There's always that bit, isn't there, when someone's horrible great-aunt puts on a paper hat and smirks at everyone because she's being so bohemian."
"I'd forgotten about the paper hats," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. "Oh dear."
"And then later on someone'll suggest a board game," said Ponder.
"That's right. Where no one exactly remembers all the rules."
"Which doesn't stop someone suggesting that you play for pennies."
"And five minutes later there's two people not speaking to one another for the rest of their lives bcause of tuppence."
"And some horrible little kid--"
"I know, I know! Some little kid who's been allowed to stay up wins everyone's money by being a nasty little cut-throat swot!"
"Right!"
"Er..." said Ponder, who rather suspected that he'd been that child.
"And don't forget the presents," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies, as if reading off some internal list of gloom. "How...how full of possiblity they seem in all that paper, how pregnant with possibilities...and then you open them and basically the wrapping paper was more interesting and you have to say 'How thoughtful, that will come in handy.' It's not better to give than recieve, in my opinion, it's just less embarassing."
"I've worked out," said the Senior Wrangler, "That over the years I have been a net exporter of Hogswatch presents--"
"Oh, everyone is," said the Chair. "You spend a fortune on other people and what you get when all the paper is cleared away is one slipper that's the wrong color and a book about ear wax."
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather, pages 230-231.
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...which basically sums up everything about the holiday season that doesn't get put on seasonal wrapping paper.

So why do people get together with family over the holidays? Is it to make us appreciate our jobs? Is it some sort of biological evolutionary reaction to make sure we remember not to breed with members of our own families to ensure strong combinations of DNA? Is it a secret plot by aliens to take over the world (world domination plot number 1,537?)
Whatever the reason, we often end up cursing it. I mean, I enjoy the holidays very much. In fact, I love this time of year. I really do. I love giving people things. I love the feeling of the world during the holiday season. But when we spent the holidays with the extended family--a bunch of strange, tan people that I've never seen before but that all know me, which is pretty frightening, especially when they'd pinch my cheeks (YES, people actually do that)--then I just wanted out. But we kept going back, and I still didn't know anyone, and we still got on each other's nerves. But there's something that drew us together, again and again. Personally, at this point I would not be prepared to accept any explaination involving 'family ties' or anything similar. I think it would be more like a sense of having an obligation. As we purchased the tickets we would be thinking "I mean, it's the holidays. And they're family." Regardless of the fact that said family makes you crazy even by telephone.

Now don't get me wrong--I know tons and tons of people get along really, really well with the rest of their families during the holidays. I know I might be the odd one out with this rant (although it sounds like Terry Pratchett is with me on this one). But I just thought I'd put that out there. Because I just got a flyer that says "Twelve days until the holiday!*" which reminded me of various "the holiday"s of my past. While (hopefully) surrounded by "the holiday" snow, listening to nonstop "the holiday" songs on the radio (until I smash it, which will be soon) I will be spending "the holiday" (and all the other holidays--I'm something agnostic-ish, personally, but my family celebrates "the holiday" known as Christmas because we like decorating trees with shiny things :D) with my immediate family only (that was one hell of a sentence). Happy holidays to the rest of you, whomever you spend them with.

In other news, Terry Pratchett, the writer of the fabulous book from which I have quoted extensively above, and many other fabulous books of similar kind, has recently been diagnosed with a very rare form of early onset Alzheimer's. It is frightening news, although he has clearly kept his sense of humor all the while (you can find his message explaining his condition here.) I now take the opportunity to reccommend his books to anyone who might read this (*crickets chirp*), as they are most fantastic and contain some truly wise messages (if you can find them under the layers and layers of brilliant British humor). Hopefully his condition will not prove to be as serious as it seems, and I join fans all over Roundworld in wishing him the very best of luck for the future.